ENMESHED IN YOUR FEAR

When you are afraid of something it means that you admit its possibility and thus strengthen its hand. It’s a sub-consistent consent. Fear can be overcome in many ways.

The ways of courage, faith, knowledge are some of them. Fear is slavery, work is liberty, courage is victory.

__ The Mother

Shreya and friends Anuj, Krishna, Pawan and Madhu planned a trip to explore the areas of central India. These hodophiles in their late twenties often felt a strong impulse or longing to travel, thus they were able to find an escape from their busy city life of Delhi. It was an unwitting attempt to ease out the sense of restlessness and unsettledness intermittently doned by their MNC jobs. This time the group was enthusiastic to scout the unconventional and untouched regions of Chambal. They were drawn towards this area as it was founded by the famous ‘Bandit Queen’, Phoolan Devi, once infested by such people the area has a rich, niche history unlike any other tourist destination. All of them agreed to take an overnight train to Shivpuri and then reach to the final destination by road.

They board the train from Nizammudin on Friday night and started their journey. After having small meal they wished each other goodnight and went to their births to catch on some sleep as this was their only chance to get refreshed to rejoice the trip ahead. At dawn they woke up by sound of chirping birds and a subtle commotion expected at a small town railway station. They peered out of the window to check out where they were but could not trace the name of the station. The view of the area was astonishing though, it was not a huge platform. Lured with the scenic beauty of the place they came out on the platform to have morning tea with this mesmerizing trance. They had their tea at a stall just a few feet away from the platform from where the train was within reach in case it starts to depart. As they finished and turned towards the tracks to go back to their coach, they were taken aback by the absence of their train. They rushed to the platform to confirm their doubts. They traced a railway guard and asked him about the whereabouts of their suddenly missing train. He reported that it has departed a few minutes earlier and some other passengers missed it. The next spontaneous question was to inquire about when is the next train due to their destination, to this the guard pointed towards the inquiry window. They rushed to it and faced a queue of other passengers with same queries. A list of the timings of other trains due to Shivpuri station was handed to them.

It was unanimously decided that they will eat something first and then will attentively wait for the very next train due in two hours. Some more passengers could be traced at the platform just like them waiting for their trains. The food ordered by them at a small eatery just outside the station as they could keep a track of the trains arriving and departing form the only platform through the demolished wall of the station. After having delicious food they kept on waiting and finally a train arrived, it was a short train with five coaches. They tried boarding it but could not due to one or the other reason despite their relentless efforts. At last they gave up, considering that it will be a short break for the next train about to come within an hour. As the train started moving slowly before speeding up, one of them realized that the name of the station was nowhere in the sight. Additionally they were surprised to see that as the train kept on moving forward it vanished altogether suddenly at a distance of five to six feet from the end of the platform.

Then the never ending loop of trains arriving and departing started. They were surprised that each train was of a different kind, some were the small toy trains with narrow coaches others were like open roof buses. Each of them tried but could not board the train as it was either too much crowded or it was supposed to reach some other destinations. As the time passed it was dusk and it was getting almost dark as the sun was setting. Repetitive failures in their attempts had drained them and they gave up the pretence of trying again. The need for dinner was felt and it was taken from the same eatery as in the morning. Exhausted and confused they slept somehow in a corner of the only verandah at the station. Several passengers did the same. In the morning as they woke up everyone was desperate to leave the place. They tried interacting with people around them but none of them seem to be listening and thus, no one replied. Hunger was the only thing they felt and it forced them to move out of the station and yet no one was able to understand this. During the lunch everyone was unusually quite. All of them were trying to wrap their mind around the incidents happening around them. In the evening, Anuj realized that some of the passengers were not present anymore and they had to go to Shivpuri by the same train they came. While having dinner Pawan realized that their watches were not working and their phones were long out of network and switched off. Later, he realized that they are just eating the food and could relish its taste but the reason of their constant hunger was that nothing was real, it was some sort of hallucination in which all of them were trapped. This realization made it clear that something is wrong with this place and it is of utmost importance to find out what it is in order to go out of here. One of them tried in vain to buy tickets to Shivpuri again if that could create some hope to board the train. The strange person at the ticket counter always refused to provide the ticket to the destination they were asking for.

The next day they were attentive and observant. Three things were clear to them by the end of the day. First they cannot board any train here due to some reason. Second some trains were just mysteriously disappearing at the edge of this unnamed platform. At last, a few trains were appearing normal and they appeared to be moving slowly and then speeding up to get out of sight through a fog as if they were actually going to their destinations. The hunger, bewilderment and the feeling of enmeshed in a nightmare was taking a toll on their mind. It was the midnight after the third day of their arrival that Madhu noticed that some of the passengers were missing as they were able to board the train which appeared to pass as a normal train unlike the mysterious trains they saw. She was curious to know that why these trains kept arriving daily though only once or twice and how these people were able to board them unlike them.

They all started to succumb to the fear, desolation, hopelessness and insecurity. The happiness felt at the initial sight of the place was replaced by looming gloom and despair. Sitting quietly they were all trying to sum up some things while reminiscing their friendship. All of them were natives of Bhopal and were working in the same field. They all planned many trips together whenever they got a break from job but none of them actually planned a trip back to their home. Surprisingly while discussing about it it was revealed that they had strained relationship with their family members and always avoided communication with them. There were arguments, dissatisfaction, grudges and complaints from both sides and hence, everyone of them started finding solace in the fast paced city life of Delhi. It was about seven to eight years since their last visit to their home. All of them kept on thinking about their families that night and drifted to sleep. Shreya kept on thinking about her parents and her brother with whom she was not in touch for years. Tears of remembrance flooded her eyes with fond memories of childhood and how her mother constantly tried to reconcile with her in vain. She felt guilty of keeping them at bay just because of a bad argument they had over sending her to a big city like Delhi all alone for a job. She fled from home next morning leaving a letter explaining her dreams. She sobbed while remembering about the call from her brother about the heart attack of her father after receiving her letter, yet she didn’t return adamantly expecting them to keep her back at Bhopal. The night passed and at the dawn all she could think of was to just get a chance to meet her family once again. She no longer wanted to continue the trip and longed for just one visit to Bhopal.

Surprisingly there was an announcement for the arrival of a train going to Bhopal within ten minutes, she woke up everyone and shared the information. The impatient wait got soon over with the rolling sound of railway carriage. The group was elated to see the train and now the question was whether they can board it or not. The questions got answered as the passengers onboard appeared realistic and welcoming as if they are inviting them to board the train and are demanding to know what were they doing by staring blankly lost in a dream at the locomotive. The shrill whistling of the train got them moving and they all boarded the train and took seats.

The wheels were rattling over the railway tracks and drifting slowly. This time all of them asked together in unison where you wanted to go before the train arrived, and to their disbelief they blurted “BHOPAL”. There were sounds of cheer and laughter and Shreya voiced her thoughts “We all escaped our family and relationships to become travelers. We thought the more you travel, the less scary the big bad world seems. We think we are courageous to explore and examine the unknown but, we forget to show the love for home, the place where we have identity, where we are loved, forgiven, strengthened and remembered as we are. We keep on finding alternate ways to cover our fear of the world instead of searching for the much required courage, intelligence and hardiness offered by our roots. This incident made us understand that while we were lost in finding the peace in the remote corners of the world entranced by the beauty of these places, the fear of unknown is always lost at home.”